Buy, Sell, Summer

AFL DreamteamBy Stevie Parkin

There are very few things that are certain in life, but the looming end of the footy season is one of them. For the modern footy fan, this time has become increasingly distressing as we come to terms with losing two of our favourite wintry pastimes: sitting on our backsides drinking cans while watching footy, and SuperCoach.

If there has been a substantial commitment of time and effort, that tiny divot in your life where SuperCoach was last weekend will grow. If your favourite team is playing in September, this divot will be overlooked by the seductive nature of finals footy. The beer still tastes the same, if not better in the easing chill of a sunny spring day. While watching your team have a shot at the title and hopefully toasting victory on Grand Final day, regardless of how you finished, your SuperCoach season will be a distant memory.

SupercoachBut if your team has already brushed off the Mad Monday hangover to head off to Bali or Phuket, then this divot will soon become a sink hole, then a crater, and then an enormous gash in your soul the size of the Grand Canyon. You will be lost, you will feel starved of purpose. You will yearn, oh yes, you will yearn.

It may be late August, September, or even October. But make no mistake; rock bottom will come for all of us.

Solutions are few and far between. Some of us will dine on the week to week victories over friends or work colleagues. Facebook can be used as a vehicle to remind trash talking competitors of their failure to let their skills do the talking for them. Unfortunately for many of us, our skills didn’t do much talking for us this year either, so choose these facebook victims carefully.

Others will analyse the close calls and poor choices of a failed season. Post mortems will be popular, as will scouring statistics from youth competitions and rookie lists to find potential gold mines for next season.

There are very few substitutions to fill the canyon. Cricket fans will be salivating at the opportunity to keep the fridge stocked and a stubby cooler on hand for another summer of leather on willow. Those of us with a round ball persuasion will consider the A-League and EPL to provide us with a band-aid solution until next Autumn. Both the round ball summer sports in Australia have a SuperCoach component, as does the European football competitions, but we all know it’s not the same.

Treat the next few weeks of the mourning period with caution. Don’t buy any outrageous new attire, don’t change your hair style too radically, don’t decide that a drinking beer with fruit in it makes you cooler.

With time these urges will subside. With time the canyon in your soul will heal. With time the seasons will change. And with time, SuperCoach will once again make your life complete.

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